Release
by Jennifer Norler
Summary: Set after "The Road". Scotty finds Lilly and they talk. More chapters might happen, I'll get back to you about that. Total L/S. Enjoy!


**Disclaimer:** Don't own squat.

**Pairing:** Lilly and Scotty

**A/N**: Ok I wrote this a loooong time ago right after I saw "The Road" but couldn't get in gear to edit til now. I'm still unsure if I should continue it or leave it be but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

XX

What a night, Scotty thought to himself, dropping a file on Stillman's desk. It was after 5:30am and he hadn't been home _yet_. It had taken the better part of the last hour to get John Smith settled in his new 7 by 10 foot home with bars but Scotty decided; it was worth it. Every minute. One more bad guy he didn't have to think about; One more victim they wouldn't have to find in a cellar. They had done something tonight; and it felt good.

The office was eerily vacated this early in the morning as Scotty scribbled something down on a PostIt note and stuck it on Stillman's computer screen. The paperwork could wait 'til tomorrow. Right now, he just needed to get out of there. Thoughts of a long hot shower and a warm bed played in his mind as he strode quicker than usual toward the elevator. In fact, forget the shower, the bed would suffice.

Reaching the door, he pushed the downward arrow hurriedly. Lilly's face suddenly flashed in his head as he stood. _No, I do; I know what you mean. _He recalled her words to John Smith vividly. Lilly would of course never admit to it herself but this case hit home for her. Right from the get-go Scotty knew it was a bad idea for her to be involved and, if he was admitting stuff here, he only went on the trip to make sure she was all right. But that was the thing; the thing that had bothered him all night, the thing that bothered him still. Any other case, he wouldn't have thought twice. Any other suspect, he would have recognized her tactics as her way of breaking them down. But tonight; he couldn't help but wonder what parts of their conversation she had said to get under Smith's skin, and what parts she actually believed in herself. Scotty's suspicions ate at him.

The steel door slid open as the elevator finally arrived. Descending past each floor seemed to take forever as he waited impatiently for the 'G' to light up on the panel above. At last with a ding, and barely waiting for the doors to open, Scotty made his way to the exit and could see the cool morning mist hanging distinctly over the city. Another day, he sighed. Pushing the handle briskly, he began heading down the steps of the police department. It wasn't until he reached the sidewalk that he caught a glimpse of someone out of the corner of his eye.

"hey" Scotty remarked in complete surprise, turning back.

"hey," Lilly answered evenly, calmly sitting on the cool cement slab. Her forearms rest on her thighs, one foot perched higher than the other, as she played with her fingers in front. Scotty studied her for a moment, noticing her face paler than normal and her hair slightly more disheveled.

She hadn't been home either.

"You okay?"

"Yeah… Think so." She gave a half-smile, shrugging her arms softly. He hadn't seen her since she had left the woods to find Brenda but he'd figured she had gone right home afterward. Hell after the night they had, that's what he would have done. But this was Lilly he was talking about. He should have known better than to assume anything with her.

"You need a lift?" Scotty tried to piece together why she was still sitting outside in the cold in front of the police department.

"No, I'm good. Thanks Scotty." She returned promptly.

"Figured you woulda.. gone right home…" Scotty took another step up toward her, trying to determine her state of mind. He knew she was a big girl but he couldn't overcome the feeling that always sat gnawing away in the pit of his stomach. Whatever it was, it was making him feel sick.

"..Took Brenda home; gave the Boss a lift; I just… needed a minute." Lilly explained.

"A minute." Scotty repeated inwardly, knowing all too well that her minute had actually been more like an hour in real time. Something had gotten to her; it was exactly what he'd feared the entire night. Somehow he knew that even having saved Brenda; it wouldn't make anything go away. That all the same struggles were concealed in Lilly's every breath. Not having been able to save her would have been worse but Scotty could tell that this case had only reopened old wounds from Lilly's past not help them to heal.

Biting his lip and letting out a deep sigh, he took another step to sit down beside her. Resting his elbows on his knees, he leaned forward.

"Lil," Scotty began, thinking this was an opportunity to talk. "'Bout… what he said… in the car." Scotty exhaled, glancing at Lilly. "He ain't got a clue what he's talkin' bout…. You know 'dat right?"

"Scotty," Lilly spoke downwardly, shifting her foot, ready to end the conversation already.

Recognizing her restlessness immediately, having been witness to it countless times before, he tried to tread lightly. "I just … I know how you… take things personal an'…" He gestured.

"Scotty," Lilly cut him off. "I'm fine."

Scotty was so tired of hearing those words. Not once in the 5 years he'd known her did they ever ring true. He let out a frustrated laugh. "Ya know… I'd believe that a lot more if you weren't out here freezin' to death at 6 in the mornin'."

"I was just… thinkin', alright?" Lilly shifted her eyes as she stood up and moved to stand by the thick cement railing, keeping her back edged towards him.

"Yeah, that's what worries me." Scotty retorted.

It was like trying to open a jar that had been sealed tight for 20 years. He knew she carried everything with her. That she blamed herself when she couldn't understand the 'whys'. But he also knew that that lid was going to pop loose one of these days. Whether she wanted it to or not. He couldn't risk it happening around a psychotic like John Smith who would use it against her. He had to understand or at least confirm what he already believed. Whether she wanted to say it or not, he _had_ to know.

"I just wanna …" Scotty stood, mimicking Lilly's actions, persistent in getting to the truth. " … make sure you're alright."

"I told you, I'm fine Scotty!" Lilly snapped abruptly, turning back to find Scotty's gaze fixed on her. She was never prepared for the intensity that she found there. As if he could see clear into the parts of herself she so desperately tried to guard.

Scotty clenched his jaw. He knew he was dangerously close to losing a limb but he couldn't let it go. He was tired of watching the shadows that hung behind her eyes every day. He needed her to know that he was there for her, even when she didn't want to admit she needed him to be.

Pulling her eyes away, Lilly brought a hand to her forehead, emotions filling her. She couldn't bring herself to look at him again but knew he was watching, waiting.

A short moment passed before she finally breathed out. "Finding Brenda in that room tonight……. I saw myself, Scotty." Lilly paused, swallowing roughly. "So cold; so scared."

Scotty listened attentively; absorbed by her every word. He could see exactly what Lilly was doing to herself and he couldn't bear to watch. "But you saved her, Lil. She ain't in that dungeon anymore… 'Cause of you."

"I know ….it's…..." Lilly shook her head, stopping for a moment. "What if it's not enough, Scotty?" She peered at him simply with her tired blue eyes. "After everything, what if… yourself…..just isn't enough?" She shrugged, completely drained from thought.

Watching her in pain was like a thorn that kept twisting in his side. His fears were justified but just this is one time, he wished he had have been wrong. "It ain't gonna be like that, Lil." He took a step closer as his feelings rose to the surface. "You gotta know…" Scotty spoke almost in a whisper. "You ain't gonna die alone."

"..how...how do you know?" Lilly replied, turning her head to him; not yet fully aware of what it was she was asking.

"'Cause I…." Scotty stopped himself, looking into her eyes. He wanted to tell her how he knew; how he wanted so badly to take that fear away. He wanted to tell her that she couldn't possibly die alone … because she had him. Completely. Utterly. There wasn't a moment that went by that she didn't occupy his thoughts. She was his one constant. His rock. He needed her just as much as she needed him. Maybe even more. He _wanted_ to tell her.

But couldn't.

For every reason he had to be with her, he could think of at least 2 more telling him why he shouldn't. He would have given anything to be able to love Lilly the way he wanted to; the way she should be; the way she _needed_ to be loved. But he knew that that was beyond his control. He'd screwed up so many times in his life; he couldn't do it again. Not with Lilly.

He held her stare longer than he had intended before finally finding his voice. "..I just... know… Lil." He spoke low. Her face glowed in the morning light as the sun peeked through the buildings. Forcing his eyes down, he cleared his throat. "You should go home; Get some sleep." Scotty nodded, taking a step backward. "...I'll see you tomorrow." He said, turning to leave. The perfect end to a _perfect_ day, he thought to himself, sarcasm dripping from every syllable as he made his way down steps to the street.

Lilly watched as he walked away. By the time his words had sunk in, he had already disappeared around the corner. She suddenly couldn't pretend she didn't understand his meaning. That she hadn't noticed the way he looked at her. Or the worry hidden in his eyes every time she talked to a suspect. She couldn't pretend that he wasn't a big part of what kept her going.

He was. And she knew it. She always came back to him when she needed to feel like herself again. He kept her grounded. He kept her sane.

Lilly exhaled through her mouth as she stood unmoving. The sun illuminated the sky and she closed her eyes, letting it surround her.


End file.
